Please note that this article is only a representation of my own personal point of view from my experience participating in the Phoenix Wushu Nationals Competition in 2022.
#1: Shaolin Tong Bei Quan
“There are two more before you.”
“Okay.”
“You’re next”
I’m next?! “Okay”
“Go on up”
SALUTE, HOLD. ENTER, WALK TO THE CENTER.
Do I start? Okay just start.
INHALE, FILL THE LUNGS, PALMS RAISE ABOVE THE HEAD, COMING TOGETHER AT THE TOP.
EXHALE, BRING THEM TO THE CHEST, BOW.
And begin.
BOOM. The rush of adrenaline hits like a wave throughout my body as I make the first moves.
I feel the fire within me. I condense and then I explode, more fiercely than I ever can when I’m not on the spot. It feels amazing.
Careful, not too fast. Balance, don’t mix up the parts, be mindful of your technique. I tell myself as I go through the motions.
Before I know it, I’m at the shout
“WE!” It’s out and it was okay. (Not always the case so I am happy)
INHALE, FILL THE LUNGS, PALMS RAISE ABOVE THE HEAD, COMING TOGETHER AT THE TOP.
EXHALE, BRING THEM TO THE CHEST, BOW.
And it’s over.
I didn’t make any big mistakes. Thank goodness.
My foot steps as it wants to immediately run off but my body knows i need to wait for the judgment.
Control your breath, bring your heart rate back down.
“Final score: 9.44”
*Internal “Eek” of joy*
SALUTE, EXIT.
#2: Taijiquan 42 Form
“Be ready because there are some people missing so you may be going earlier than expected.”
Crap, i need to warm up, i need to practice more, i need to stretch, I need to meditate. Breathe.
“When you see me up there you be sure to be ready here.”
“Yes okay, thank you”.
Talking to my friend, I am grateful to him for distracting me from the nervousness I was feeling.
The line has moved. She begins, one behind her, then me.
Breathe.
Distracted by the action on the mat next to us- “Jia you!” Oh wait, I need to be paying attention here!
She’s finished
“Watch out for that bump in the middle, try to be in front of it or behind it. I found myself in the middle.”
The front looks too close, the back looks too far. But I need to be brave so the front it is.
“You’re up next, go ahead and stand by the line.”
Getting closer. So close now. Breathe.
“You’re up.”
SALUTE, HOLD. ENTER, WALK TO THE CENTER.
Again, Do i just start? I ask with my facial expressions.
The judge kindly nods yes. Can he see how nervous I am?
Okay, here we go.
LONG INHALE, LONG EXHALE.
And begins the SHAKES.
Control the shakes, breathe. Breathe. BREATHE. S**T, it’s not going away. Relax, balance.
Balance is such a different obstacle when you’re shaking all over your body.
Focus, don’t forget what you’re doing. Slow, be mindful of your technique. Not perfect, oh well, move on.
Breathe. Please stop shaking. Leg up, leg out, hold. They’re clapping.
Again, Leg up, leg out, hold. They’re clapping again. That’s comforting.
Down, pull in, condense. Not exactly as i want but no changing it now.
Time to explode. It feels good, finally some release.
COIL AND BALANCE AGAIN.
The whistle blows. It has already been 3 minutes? Am I going that slowly? That’s okay.
The shaking resumes.
Cloud hands, I usually love you but it is off today. When do I finish?
“30 seconds left.”
I’m definitely not getting to the part I want to. Balance. I don’t want to do the spin kick like this.
INHALE, ARMS OVERHEAD. RETURN TO CENTER. SALUTE.
“Thank you Imari” Another judge says kindly, looking satisfied at my decision.
Yes, it was a good time to close.
My feet know they are supposed to stay put this time. Still shaking, I wait. I see the numbers changing on the screen.
Is that an 8? Is that at 8.8-something? Is that an 8.9-something?
“Final score: 8.84”
My face cannot help but fill with happiness. Another internal Eek. My lips gesture Thank you!
SALUTE AND EXIT. Faces smiling at me, enthusiastically expressing that I did great. I feel happy.
Still shaking though.
Reflection
It is fascinating to me how these two forms were completely different experiences. Tong Bei was the first, making it my very first form to compete with and I am solidly happy with my decision to do it. Although I was nervous, once I began, I just went into the zone and I don’t remember feeling it anymore. Thanks to the explosive motions, I was able to harness that energy and send it out like fire, enhancing the form itself. There are moments where I had an almost tunnel-vision-black-out sensation but at the same time I was also extremely careful and focused. However, I never had any shakes and instead, great relief when finished.
42 Form was a different beast. How do you release the energy when you are supposed to contain it within you? And so somehow, I had to pacify the nerves with all eyes on me. I guess I have not yet figured out how. Breathe? Well, I tried.
I could not be happier with the results of my first competition. Yes, this was my first time competing in wushu ever (I may touch more on that subject later). I was the only one in my division giving me the gold by default but that doesn’t change my scores and with those, I am very happy (especially with as unprepared as I was). Especially in Taijiquan, an intricate form that is more standardized and on the mat where people were getting judged much more harshly. Not only am I absolutely okay with it, I know I can, and will, do better next time.
Aside from the gratification that it brings me as a practitioner, there is also some validation that it gives me as a teacher. It is providing feedback about my skills which are the basis of what I teach and honestly, I never really know how good or bad I am. Although I know taking video provides great feedback, I am camera shy and so I rarely film myself training. Therefore, I only have the feedback of others which can be really mixed sometimes. Many people will tell you you’re a great teacher or practitioner while also questioning your technique and knowledge, or comparing your performance to others that you see far above yourself. For a relatively new teacher that is still learning and a woman who’s dealt with insecurities her whole life, it has been a process not to take it to heart too much but enough that it pushes me to continually seek improvement. And it has.
Therefore, having judges that know what they’re looking at and can see skill from the lack thereof, I am grateful for the feedback they had to offer. I know I am not the best of the best. But now I know I am also not bad. Actually, I think I have the potential for excellence should I really want it and after being inspired by some of the amazing practitioners I witnessed on the floor this weekend, I truly do want it.
So I’ll be back. And I’ll be better. And I am excited for it. 加油
